By Iolee Anagnostopoulou

Lately, the topic of dating and pathological liars has been trending, partly thanks to Reesa Teesa and her captivating TikTok series, Who TF Did I Marry? But let’s be honest—most of us have bent the truth at some point. Maybe you’ve told a harmless white lie to spare someone’s feelings or exaggerated a little to sidestep a conflict or obligation. While lying is never ideal, occasional fibs are part of human nature. 

However, when lying becomes a constant habit, especially alongside other tell-tale signs, it might point to an underlying mental health issue driving the behaviour. 

A pathological liar doesn’t just lie often—they feel compelled to do so, even when it leads to emotional turmoil, jeopardises their safety, or wreaks havoc on relationships, work, and daily life. This troubling pattern typically begins in adolescence or young adulthood, laying the foundation for a lifetime of deception that’s not easy to break.

And while their tales can initially seem harmless, a relationship with such a person can have serious emotional consequences. That’s why recognising some common red flags early on is crucial to protecting yourself and fostering healthy relationships.

Red Flag #1: Inconsistencies In Their Stories  

When dating someone new, everyone shares anecdotes about their lives. But with pathological liars, the details often don’t add up. For instance, they might tell you they graduated from University in 2015 but later claim they studied abroad that same year.  

They often weave webs of deceit so intricate that they forget their own stories. These inconsistencies might seem trivial initially, but they reveal a troubling pattern over time. Pay attention to repeated contradictions or changes in their narratives; for example, they might claim they were the youngest manager in their company one day and later say they left due to “office politics” during the same timeframe. 

Pro Tip: Keep note of stories that sound too good to be true, and don’t be afraid to politely clarify details if something doesn’t make sense.  

Red Flag #2: Exaggerated Or Grandiose Claims  

They often crave admiration, which leads them to embellish their achievements and fabricate impressive stories (or hijack someone else’s). They might casually mention they were offered a modelling contract but “turned it down for their career” or claim they’ve met high-profile figures without evidence.  

Focus on verifying the details to protect yourself from falling for these claims. If they say they’ve worked at a prestigious company, you can discreetly check their LinkedIn profile or ask about specific projects they worked on.

Be cautious, though—confronting them too directly can lead to defensiveness or further manipulation.  

Pro Tip: Trust your instincts if someone’s stories feel far-fetched, and remember that genuine people don’t need to constantly impress others.  

Red Flag #3: Lack Of Accountability  

A hallmark is their refusal to take responsibility for their actions. When confronted, they often show no remorse or deflect blame onto others and devise excuses to avoid repercussions. For instance, if they miss an important event, they might blame a friend who supposedly “gave them the wrong time.”  

This behaviour can be incredibly damaging in a relationship, undermining trust and fostering resentment. When dating someone who displays this trait, you might find yourself walking on eggshells, unsure when the next deflection will come. 

Pro Tip: Set firm boundaries and watch how they react to minor disagreements. A healthy partner owns up to their mistakes and works to resolve conflicts, while a pathological liar will continue to evade responsibility.  

Red Flag #4: Manipulative Behaviour  

Manipulation is another tactic used to control people and situations. They might gaslight you into doubting your perception of events or use emotional appeals to make you feel guilty for questioning them. If you catch them in a lie, they could shift the focus onto how “hurt” they feel by your lack of trust.

Conversely, they often experience a euphoric thrill when their deceit goes undetected as if outsmarting others provides a sense of triumph or validation.

Recognising manipulation requires staying grounded in your own experiences. Take note if you frequently feel confused, second-guess yourself, or are emotionally drained after conversations with them.  

Pro Tip: Build a support system of friends or family you trust to offer objective perspectives. Journaling your experiences can also help you identify recurring patterns of manipulation.  

Red Flag #5: Frequent Excuses For Unavailability

A liar often creates elaborate excuses to cover up their actions or whereabouts, leading to frequent unavailability. They might claim their phone “died during an emergency” or invent a last-minute change of plans to avoid introducing you to their family. 

These excuses can leave you feeling like a low priority and questioning their commitment. Over time, their inability to consistently follow through on plans kills trust and further highlights their tendency to avoid accountability. 

Pro Tip: Notice if their excuses become a pattern and whether they take steps to make amends for their absences.

Recognising the red flags of pathological liars when dating is vital for maintaining your emotional well-being. Trust your instincts, prioritise open communication, and never hesitate to set firm boundaries.

While everyone deserves love and understanding, protecting yourself should always come first. Remember, no relationship is worth sacrificing your peace of mind or self-respect. A stable and honest relationship is far more fulfilling than any whirlwind romance built on lies.