By Julie-Ann Sherlock

If you haven’t heard of organisation guru Marie Kondo (also known as Konmari), can I have the address of the rock you live under? I could do with an escape from my hectic life right now. Marie has had a string of hit books and a show instructing us on how to tidy up our homes and get rid of clutter. 

She is famous for suggesting that we go through our house and decide what to keep and toss by holding each object, and if it doesn’t “spark joy”, get rid of it. 

In theory, I love this, but as I have admitted before, I may find joy in a few too many things. I like a jam-packed wardrobe, comforting decorative items and a kitchen with many semi-useless gadgets. But please don’t judge me on my shoe collection. So while I enjoy being organised, I also have a touch of chaos around me. 

From Childhood To Child Bearing

However, I wasn’t always like this. My mother is a domestic goddess. Our home was pretty much always spotlessly clean (despite her protestations that we were living in a pigsty), she cooked terrific meals, and Saturdays were filled with baking yummy apple pies, scones and other goodies. Young Julie-Ann kept her toys neatly in her bedroom and was pretty fastidious about putting something back after using it. I was well trained. 

When I married and bought my first home, it was a shining tribute to my mother. I was almost OCD about the placement of things like the tissue box on the coffee table. Then I gave birth. 

For the first few months of motherhood, despite the sleepless nights, the constant breastfeeding schedule and a severe bout of glandular fever, I managed to almost maintain my standards. I remember my mother-in-law laughing at me straightening the aforementioned tissue box to line up perfectly with the tablecloth design and saying, “when he starts crawling, you won’t have time for that”. She was right. 

Babies Are Messy

Dylan was six months old when he became mobile, and all hell broke loose. My days were spent chasing him around, ensuring he was safe and barely noticing the pile of laundry sitting on the sofa. My focus was on his welfare and enjoying the little moments of his development. 

As he grew, so did his pile of toys, clothes and other bits and pieces. Kids have a lot of crap. I had to choose: spend my energy putting everything exactly where it should be or relax and enjoy the short-lived childhood chaos. I chose the latter. 

When his younger brother Jake joined the party, the disarray doubled. My two little boys were spoiled with toys. To try to rein in some of the mayhem, we designated a room as a playroom for all their toys in the blissful naive hope that they would stay there. Some chance. 

They had so many that they could barely get into the room, and any attempts to cull were met with cries of “but I love that (*insert random plastic toy) the most”. Sigh. 

With hindsight, I now realise that even though my kids were kindly gifted so many wonderful toys, I should have had a more controlled approach to managing them. My sister has a better handle on it for her two-year-old. Toys are packed in boxes, and every few weeks or months, they are swapped out for the ones in her room. This way, my lucky niece feels like it is Christmas or her birthday all year round as forgotten toys and books reappear like magic. 

By moderating and rotating the items, my sister avoids living with the threat of a toy avalanche, which was common in our house. 

Moderate Expectations And Enjoy The Childhood Years

Now that Marie Kondo has children, she has admitted that her home is a little messier, and I am glad to hear this. While it is vital to keep your house as clean, tidy and well-run as possible, letting a few toys stray into the living room or having a stack of much-loved and repeatedly read bedtime stories sitting on the floor is not the end of the world.

When you have a child, they need to be the focal point, not your alphabetically arranged music collection or your perfectly coordinated capsule wardrobe. It becomes more about a balance of energies and expectations. 

Children grow up in the blink of an eye (mine are now in their late 20s!), so spend time creating memories with them. Get messy doing finger painting or forsake a desire to spring clean by throwing some tents in the back of your car and going on an impromptu camping trip. My sons remember these things, not a mother forever on their case to put their toys away. And that is what truly “sparks joy” in me.