We all love a feel-good quote. From Pinterest boards to office posters and Instagram captions, messages like “Good vibes only” or “Everything happens for a reason” are meant to uplift and inspire. But what happens when positivity becomes not just a personal mantra, but an expectation imposed on others—regardless of their circumstances? This is where brightsiding comes in.

Once seen as harmless optimism, brightsiding is increasingly being recognised by psychologists and mental health experts as a problematic way of responding to pain, loss, or discomfort. While being hopeful is certainly not a bad thing, forcing positivity in moments of struggle can invalidate real emotions and cause more harm than good.

What Exactly Is Brightsiding?

Brightsiding refers to the act of insisting on a positive interpretation or response to a negative or painful experience. The term takes its name from the expression “look on the bright side,” and while that might sound like a well-meaning suggestion, brightsiding often shows up as a reflexive dismissal of someone’s difficult emotions.

For example, telling someone who’s lost their job that “it’s a blessing in disguise,” or suggesting that someone with a chronic illness should “just stay positive” might seem supportive. But these responses can feel deeply invalidating to the person who is hurting. Instead of empathy, they receive a well-intentioned but ultimately dismissive cheer.

This brand of forced optimism is a cousin of what psychologists call toxic positivity—the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.

Why Is It Harmful?

On the surface, positivity feels like a virtue. And in many cases, it is helpful—there’s nothing wrong with having a hopeful outlook or encouraging someone through tough times. But problems arise when positivity becomes the onlyacceptable response to hardship.

According to psychologists, brightsiding can lead to:

  • Emotional invalidation: When people are told to look on the bright side, they may feel guilty or ashamed for experiencing negative emotions—something that’s both unhelpful and unrealistic.
  • Suppressed emotions: Constantly being encouraged to “stay positive” may discourage people from expressing real fears or sadness, which are necessary for emotional processing and healing.
  • Strained relationships: If a friend or loved one always meets your pain with relentless optimism, it can feel like they’re not really listening, making it harder to connect on a deeper level.
  • Pressure to perform wellness: In workplace or social settings, brightsiding can create environments where people feel they must hide stress or sadness in order to “fit in” with a culture of cheerfulness.

As Dr. Susan David, psychologist at Harvard Medical School and author of Emotional Agility, puts it: “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.” Denying our difficult emotions doesn’t make them go away—it only makes them harder to carry.

The Cultural Push for Positivity

So why do we do this? A big part of it comes down to culture. In many Western societies—particularly in corporate or self-help spaces—positivity is seen as a moral good. People who maintain a positive attitude are praised as strong, resilient, or “inspiring,” while those who express pain or pessimism may be judged as negative or ungrateful.

Social media plays a role too. Our feeds are filled with curated images of gratitude journals, sunrises, and #blessed captions. In this environment, it’s easy to internalise the message that anything short of optimism is failure.

Brightsiding can also be a coping mechanism for the person delivering the positivity. When someone is faced with a loved one’s distress, it can be uncomfortable and emotionally taxing. Offering a silver lining can feel like a way to “fix” the situation—but it rarely does.

So What’s the Alternative?

If brightsiding isn’t helpful, what should we do instead?

  1. Validate before you uplift. Before offering encouragement, acknowledge the other person’s experience. Saying something like “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this,” creates space for real connection.
  2. Practice emotional honesty. It’s okay to not be okay. Giving yourself and others permission to sit with difficult emotions can be far more healing than prematurely pushing for a silver lining.
  3. Ask before offering advice. Sometimes, people just want to be heard—not fixed. Before launching into positive spin, ask, “Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer a distraction?”
  4. Be hopeful, not dismissive. Positivity isn’t inherently wrong—it just needs to be rooted in reality. There’s a world of difference between “You’ll get over it” and “I believe in your strength, even though this is really tough right now.”

A More Compassionate Kind of Positivity

Ultimately, we all want to feel seen and supported. Positivity can be powerful—but only when it comes from a place of empathy, not denial.

So the next time someone shares something difficult with you, pause before jumping in with a silver lining. Sometimes, the most loving response isn’t to “bright side” the pain away—but to sit beside it, without flinching.

After all, real connection happens not in the erasure of struggle—but in the brave acknowledgment of it.