By Audrey Tan

They say that to find a prince, you must first kiss some toads. But what if you simply don’t have the time, energy, or mental and emotional capacity to go through so many toads until you find Mr or Mrs Right? Does it mean you’ll have to sacrifice your love and sex life until you find that someone special? 

Luckily, there’s a new dating trend in town that can help love-seeking individuals to date more effectively. Prioridating might be the solution to help you fix your love life!

Wanna know what prioridating is? Keep reading and learn how you make this dating technique with a focus on a purpose: YOU!

What Is Prioridating?

Forget all the general dating standards and relationship goals you often see or hear. Prioridating is all about looking inwards and thinking about what YOU want to achieve from your relationship. 

The term was coined by a dating coach and relationship expert at eHarmony, Laurel House. She believes that to find and build a healthy, lasting relationship, it is vital that one must prioritise one’s primary needs and core values. 

By dating with a purpose rather than focusing on the “wants”, which are often superficial, prioridating can help you find someone who satisfies the most critical elements you need in a relationship. It encourages us to look beyond the exterior facades that often lead to flings or temporary/problematic relationships and instead focus on deep-rooted values.

So, you can chuck your list of ‘must-haves’ or ‘green flags’ into the bin and start asking yourself, “what do you really want in life?”. What are the “non-negotiables” that you simply must have in a relationship? With priority in mind and in action, you’ll be able to find a partner who can best match your needs while weeding out those who are only going to end up wasting your time.

It won’t matter if the person you like has a good body if all they do is live in the gym. Unless, of course, going to the gym is a priority for you too! But while having an attraction is crucial when dating, finding someone compatible and who shares the same values outside of the superficial aspects is also essential. 

Whether it’s mental or emotional support, financial security, open-mindedness, finding someone who makes you laugh, or connecting with someone who aligns with your fundamental beliefs (religion or political views), prioridating is the key to having a more fulfilling love life and building a relationship that will last.  

How To Start Prioridating?

Prioridating can only be effective if you truly know what you want. Aside from regular introspection, dating yourself for a while is an excellent way to get to know oneself. Go ahead and do all the activities that you love and those that significantly impact your life. As you go through these experiences, you will discover what brings you happiness, the things you love and hate, and your boundaries. You will also find out what’s missing from your life that a partner can bring to the table. Create a list of your top priorities and start from there. 

Prioridating also doesn’t mean you should blindly go for someone who checks all your priority boxes. Getting to know your boundaries and what you are willing and unwilling to accept in a relationship is equally important if you hope to find a love that’s evergreen.

Once you identify your most significant need(s) and basic priorities, it’s simply a matter of living your life fully and unapologetically based on these principles. From this point on, everything, from which dating apps to join, the type of people to pursue, the conversations you have, how you flirt and communicate, and where to go for dates, should revolve around your core values. As a result, you’ll get to know yourself better, become more confident in championing what you want and be more assertive in achieving your relationship goals.  

And since our priorities may change whenever we go through new experiences, it is vital to check in with yourself every now and then. Whenever you encounter something unfamiliar, ask yourself if it makes you feel safe and whether you want it to be part of your life. Don’t be afraid to say no and move on to better things or people who are more worthy of your time and attention.

If you’re confused and don’t know what you’re looking for in a relationship, it’s time to give prioridating a try. The benefits are plentiful, and it can really help you to grow as a person and be truly in touch with yourself. Understanding these principles will uncover your relationship needs and enable you to align your future with another person on a deeper level. This can lead to more honest, meaningful communication and an enduring relationship. Get prioritising your needs, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t meet them! Good luck!