By Audrey Tan
You’ve probably heard or seen the phrase “I love you to the moon and back”. While it is a nice notion, loving someone so much that it spans the distance it takes to travel to the moon and back can be problematic. Too much love in a relationship can be toxic.
One can argue that “too much” is a questionable adjective when used to quantify love. Is it really possible to love someone too much? The answer is yes.
Anything in excess is dangerous, and love is no different. Selfless love can quickly evolve into selfishness, and you wind up suffocating your lover.
The Line Between Loving And Smothering
Love is all about giving generously, and it prioritises the other person’s freedom and autonomy. Displays of affection can deteriorate into suffocation if you are motivated by your own doubts and fears without any regard for what the other person wants or feels. In this instance, you’re simply being selfish.
Too Much Love Can Cloud Your Judgement
When you’re blinded by love, you can’t see the forest for the trees. With such intensity, it may be difficult to discern between what’s right or wrong, and you may overlook all the warning signs, such as your partner’s dishonesty, possessiveness, or jealous tendencies. It can also prevent you from seeing that excessive love is actually harming the relationship.
For example, you may reach a stage in your relationship where you are willing to endure physical and emotional abuse because you love your partner. You may even agree to have a third person in your relationship as long as you keep your partner.
You Begin To Lose Yourself
You’ve probably noticed that you’re picking up some of your other half’s quirks and habits. You might think it’s cute, and it is—until you start losing yourself. Your sense of self, individuality, and identity erode when you begin adopting your partner’s interests.
You may also be willing to give up what you love just because your partner disagrees with them. It is okay to want to learn more about your partner’s likes and dislikes. However, you don’t want to morph entirely into something that you’re not.
You End Up Giving Too Much
Although relationships aren’t a competition about who gives or receives more, it becomes clear that one is loving too much when there is no reciprocation, or it becomes terribly skewed. Loving someone unconditionally may cause you to give everything until there is nothing left. Soon, you will feel a void in your life that you cannot fill, leaving you feeling dissatisfied, disappointed, and unworthy.
You Neglect Yourself
Focusing on the one you love while neglecting yourself might cause you to miss out on life opportunities or give up your own self-development and satisfaction.
In the long run, it can make you feel like you have not made much of your life, yet you feel so tired from giving.
You Neglect Your Friends And Family
It’s totally normal that you want your other half all to yourself. But if you’re ignoring calls from family, friends or other important people in your life and you haven’t seen anyone other than your partner for months, your love may be in toxic territory.
You Become Too Physically And Emotionally Dependent
Would you feel like you’ve lost a limb if your partner suddenly disappears? Feeling that you can’t survive without your other half’s emotional support is another sign that your relationship has strayed toward an unhealthy level of emotional dependency.
Most partners are somewhat reliant on one another. However, if you rely on your partner to meet all of your physical and emotional requirements, your relationship and your well-being may suffer down the line.
You May Be Taken For Granted
Unworthy lovers may take your love and affection for granted and take advantage of you. They don’t have to be concerned about their actions or behaviours since they know you’ll excuse them if something goes wrong.
Often, they don’t see the need to put any effort into making the relationship work. Not good. It should be a team effort.
You End Up Feeling Discontented
You’ve given so much love, so you expect your lover to do the same. While staying in a toxic relationship rife with harmful patterns, you keep expecting a change. As a result, if your love isn’t wholly, positively reinforced, you will end up feeling discontented and dissatisfied with yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
Love isn’t about holding the other person or yourself hostage. Losing oneself in a relationship may seem completely natural, especially in a society that romanticises passion. Finding that special someone who means the world to you is a magical experience. But when you lose yourself and become inebriated in your partner’s absence, loving someone too much can indeed be toxic.
Then it may longer be Love but an obsession, that is no good.