It’s a classic party game. From middle school sleepovers to drunk college ragers, “Never Have I Ever” turns deeply personal questions into competitive checkboxes of life experiences. Sure, there is lots of laughter and fun involved, but the game also provokes feelings of embarrassment, shame, pressure, and trauma among some participants.
The older the crowd, the more risqué the questions become, and the more pressure added to the answers. Innocent questions like “never have I ever been kissed” gradually evolve into “never have I ever had sex,” “never have I ever tried a threesome,” “never have I ever orgasmed.” Surprisingly, the affirmative answer to that last question might be more frequent for many women than you think.
In the heteronormative, patriarchal society we live in, female sexuality is a taboo topic that has only in recent years started to be spoken about more openly. Centuries of tradition and cultural stigma viewed female sexual expression with fear, shame, and animosity. This gender-biased outlook naturally prioritized men’s sexual pleasure, while women’s desires were often overlooked or repressed.
The sexual revolution made some progress in advancing female empowerment through women exploring their bodies’ needs and wants. We still have a long way to go before reaching true sexual equality, however. Even today, most porn is geared towards the male gaze, and Hollywood movies give us unrealistic expectations in the bedroom.
In any type of relationship, men and women can have very different experiences in bed. According to a survey of over 2000 people, men were five times more likely than women to say they orgasmed every time during sex. Comparatively, 5% of women answered they had never orgasmed, but only 0.6% of men said the same. The survey also showed that straight women were the most likely to fake an orgasm at 68%. To experience orgasms during sex, women need more than just penetrative intercourse: foreplay, oral sex, and sensual touching play vital roles in female arousal.
An online survey from 2015 found that 36% of women said clitoral stimulation helped them orgasm during intercourse. Most men lack extensive knowledge of the workings of the female anatomy, such as the location and purpose of the clitoris or the g-spot. This is why communication is a critical element for bed sports. Letting your partner know what you like or don’t like will significantly increase the chance of reaching peak pleasure. Getting experimental with different positions, sex toys, or sexual fantasies can also help boost arousal and climaxing for both partners.
The Health Benefits Of Female Orgasms
Aside from human reproduction, many people see sex as a fun activity to have a good time. The added health benefits from orgasming are like the cherry on top of this sexy sundae. First of all, sex is a great workout and much more satisfying than going to a gym. It’s estimated that sex burns about 5 calories per minute.
It strengthens your pelvic floor muscles, which can help with bladder control, especially after giving birth. But they are not the only muscles benefiting as research also suggests sex is essential for your cardiovascular health. Sex lowers your blood pressure and decreases the risk of heart attacks, and is also very beneficial for reducing stress.
Our brain boosts chemicals like dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin during sex—making us feel oh so good!
Reaching an orgasm releases another chemical known as prolactin, making us feel relaxed and sleepy—making it easier to drift off to sleep after climaxing. Finally, having more sex boosts your immune system—people who have regular sex show higher antibody levels that fight off bacteria and viruses.
Remaining sexually active as you age also has many health benefits. While masturbation might help relieve some pain from menstrual cramps, it can also ease discomfort in menopausal women. Evidence shows that masturbation can help retain vaginal elasticity and increase blood flow in the area to promote lubrication and lessen discomfort. Even more amazingly, older people who are still sexually active scored higher on cognitive tests.
Enough with the science and statistics, let’s get back to the game of never have I ever; why is all this stuff important? Well, because society needs to take Salt-N-Peppa’s advice—Let’s Talk About Sex.
You can’t fix a problem unless you know there is one, and not enough people talk about the lack of female orgasms and why we should change that. Embarrassment might prevent many women from discussing the subject even though it is a common occurrence.
Asking about having orgasms shouldn’t be relegated to a risqué and judgmental party game. It should be talked about between partners and friends who care about your well-being and satisfaction. Knowing the facts can help to stimulate the conversation, and hopefully, that will lead to stimulating other more pleasurable things too!
I have always encouraged any woman I have been in a relationship with to explore in her mind all of her fantasies and to share them without fear of being judged or made to feel shame. I think too many men are insecure and think they can keep a woman by limiting her sexual pleasure to thoughts of only what he sees as good. I have always felt that if my partner is comfortable exploring in her mind and shares how she fantasizes about the hot hung guy in the porn movie or the random hot guy she saw at the bank or whatever it is that I know she is with me because she wants to be with me and not because I made her feel insecure and afraid to find what she wants.
Well said and good on you. You are obviously a man who is secure in himself and his relationship!
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