By Andrés Muñoz
February is upon us, and with it: Valentine’s Day, an occasion celebrated by lovers all around the world. That said, some see it merely as another marketing ploy to sell stuff. Many people have the flawed assumption that money spent on Valentine gifts equates to the strength of your relationship. Expensive gifts might not be as beneficial in the long run because they create more pressure than pleasure.
Instead, a thoughtful gift that gives a couple some space to explore and learn about their sexuality is an excellent opportunity to build trust and intimacy, as well as spicing up life inside and outside the bedroom. One of the most important elements of sex positivity is that it creates a safe and healthy environment for one’s sexual exploration. But what does it mean to be sex-positive, exactly?
Many grow up with the idea that sex is a dirty, disgusting, and unnatural act, when, in fact, it is the opposite. Enjoying and embracing one’s sexual life is the gateway to “health, celebration, and well-being”. It is, of course, also how we all came into being!
To help you on your journey, here are a couple of sex-positive ideas you could consider exploring with your significant other this February 14th. A sex-positive mentality considers both partners equally, so we strongly recommend you to do anything shown below not as a surprise present, but something that you agree upon together.
Tune In To Each Other
Before we dive into steamier activities, let us refer to one of the classic strategies to “set the mood”: music! While some people might choose a song at random and get started, we suggest that you and your partner craft a playlist for your alone time. Creating a special soundtrack to your lovemaking builds intimacy; it also provides you with a platform to share musical tastes and gives you a reason to secretly smile next time you hear one of those songs in public.
Lip Smacking Lubes
The first physical item in our list is flavoured lubricants. So you’ve started playing around for a while, both of you are feeling it, but for some reason, things dry up. This is only natural and there’s no reason for your evening to end there. Remember, recognising your sexual needs and healthily catering to them is important.
From strawberries to mango to cotton candy and more, you’ll be able to find a host of different products to keep things going. Word of advice: the most versatile lubricants are the water-based kind. They’ll wash off in water with ease, don’t leave stains, and are gentle on your skin. Furthermore, they’re safe to use with condoms. Should you need something longer-lasting for activities in the shower, go with a silicone-based lubricant.
Big Boy (And Girl) Toys
Next on our list is the classic vibrator, but with a twist. If you want to take your sex life past the limits of the bedroom, this app-controlled toy guarantees discreet but highly intensive fun, no matter where you may be. Connect the toy to the app via Bluetooth, and let your significant other control the different levels of intensity. Feeling daring? Try keeping a straight face in a public setting. It is particularly useful for long-distance relationships too!
Books Are Sexy!
Yael Rosenstock’s An Intro-Guide to a Sex Positive You: Lessons, Tales, and Tips will answer all other pending questions you might have. Part I explores sexual identities and preferences. Before being happy with someone, you need to be happy with yourself! Part II will give you a voice, as it mainly covers communication and consent, and Part III offers you and your partner key pointers as well as additional guides on self-discovery.
To keep the sexy times going, we would like to recommend two books. The first one challenges the concept of what Valentine’s Day claims to celebrate. While most of society thinks that the one and true way of feeling love is to bind yourself to a single person, Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton’s ‘The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love’ demystifies the concept of the traditional “relationship”. Even though polyamory and open relationships might not be your cup of tea, the book provides fantastic insights on navigating relationships in today’s day and age.
Whether you are single, taken, or in a non-traditional relationship, I hope that these ideas inspire you to live a more sex-positive life. If you have someone special, I hope that you’re able to put them in action on Valentine’s day and beyond. At the end of the day, the more we know about who we are and what we want, the easier it is for us to spread love to those we care about.