By Iolee Anagnostopoulou
Marriage is one of life’s most significant decisions. And while weddings, vows, and forever love are charming, the reality is much more complex. With divorce rates hovering around 40-70%, it’s clear that not every union is built to last.
So, before you start picking out venues and floral arrangements, it’s worth asking yourself: Is marriage really the right path for you and your partner, or are you just doing it to avoid staying single and alone at 40—which, by the way, is how divorcees usually end up anyway?
Here are six key factors to consider before taking the plunge.
1. How Well Do You Know Each Other?
It’s obvious, but you need to know your potential spouse beyond the surface level. Living together, travelling, and even cleaning the house as a team are great ways to see each other in various situations. Sharing new and mundane experiences is vital because it gives you a glimpse into what everyday life might look like post-marriage.
Couples often get swept up in weddings and forget to discuss important aspects of their future lives together. Many arguments, misunderstandings and divorces could be avoided if people had those crucial conversations beforehand. So, instead of focusing on colour schemes and seating charts, take time to have those “deep talks.”
Ask each other:
- What are your long-term life goals?
- Do you want kids? If so, how do you plan to raise them?
- How do you want to handle family traditions, holidays, and vacations?
- What role does religion play in your life?
Aligning your answers with your partner’s can prevent heartache down the road. Some couples learn the hard way that their differences in some areas can be deal-breakers.
2. Family Matters
“You don’t just marry your partner; you marry their family.”
This is about more than just dealing with in-laws. Your partner’s family history—and, like in my case, different nationalities—plays a significant role in shaping who they are. Understanding their family dynamics, values, attachment style, and upbringing can give you insight into how they handle conflict, love, and stress. For example, someone raised in a household where emotions were stifled may struggle to communicate openly in a relationship.
Knowing each other’s backgrounds helps create empathy and strengthens your bond. Remember, marriage doesn’t magically erase underlying issues, so if there are family-related challenges in your relationship now, they’ll likely persist after the wedding. Have an open conversation with your partner or seek premarital counselling if necessary, and don’t assume that getting married will “fix” everything.
3. Are Your Goals And Ambitions Compatible?
Before diving headfirst into marriage, reflect on your personal goals and ambitions. What’s your two, five, or even ten-year plan? More importantly, how does that align with your partner’s vision? Many people, especially women, sometimes feel they lose sight of their personal dreams after getting married or starting a family.
Are kids part of your future? Do you envision growing your career while balancing family life? A healthy marriage should be a partnership that allows both individuals to thrive. So, ensure you’re not sacrificing your ambitions for the sake of it. Aligning goals with your potential spouse will help avoid resentment later in life when one partner feels they’ve given up too much.
4. Are You Best Friends?
In the long run, friendship is the foundation of any successful relationship. Life has ups and downs, and the initial romance usually fades. But a strong friendship will carry you through the tougher times. Renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasises the importance of “intentional friendship” in maintaining long-term connection and intimacy.
Couples who are friends first enjoy more trust, respect, and a deeper emotional connection. When you’re genuinely friends, you can be vulnerable, share joys and sorrows, and, most importantly, forgive each other’s mistakes. So ask yourself: Is your partner the person you want to laugh with, cry with, and experience life with, even when things get tough? If the answer is yes, your relationship stands on a solid foundation.
5. Talk Money
Money is one of the most common sources of conflict between spouses, making financial stability a necessary foundation for a successful union. As my momma always said, ‘Marriage relies on two main pillars: sex and money’.
It might sound cynical, but it’s not far from the truth. If one of those areas suffers, the entire relationship can wobble. Have open, honest conversations about your financial habits and expectations long before you say “I do”.
Go through the tough questions:
- How do you feel about money, budgeting and investing?
- How do we handle money as a couple?
- Do we split expenses 50/50, or is another system better for us?
- What’s the plan for big purchases like buying a house or starting a family?
If you can establish financial transparency and mutual agreement on how to manage your finances, you’re already ahead of the game.
6. Are You Emotionally Ready?
Emotional readiness is essential in determining whether getting married is the right choice. Entering into a union with unresolved trauma, emotional baggage, or unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment. Marriage should be seen as a partnership where both individuals grow together, not as a solution for personal fulfilment. At the end of the day, no one can make you happy but you.
The point of relationships is to learn to communicate better, become more self-aware, and push each other toward becoming better versions of themselves. Marriage isn’t about pleasing each other 24/7 but about supporting each other’s growth and navigating life’s challenges together. If you have doubts or fears, addressing them openly with your partner and, if needed, a counsellor is essential.
Before deciding to wed, carefully weigh all these factors. Understanding each other’s core self and family background, aligning life goals, establishing financial stability, and fostering a genuine friendship are essential building blocks for a lasting relationship.
Ultimately, marriage should be a thoughtful decision that supports both partners’ growth, not a hurried step influenced by societal pressure or fleeting emotions. Take your time to make this important choice, and remember that remaining engaged or even staying single is absolutely fine if that is the right path for you.