By Audrey Tan
As a millennial in my early 30s, having battled with self-identity, career, and life’s general ups and downs (mostly downs), I’ve never thought of bringing a child into my whirlwind life. Although things are now more stable, with the ever-rising rent and cost of living and without any property or other tangible assets to my name, plus the overall state of our current world, the thought of having children remains in the abstract realm.
There’s also another thing—the actual process of childbirth. With all the changes one’s body goes through, breastfeeding, possible postpartum depression, all while trying to care for a newborn baby that requires 100% of my attention—terrifies me. And I’m not alone.
More and more people are deciding to go child-free. Let’s explore some of the reasons why no one wants to have kids anymore:
Economics Matter
One of the main reasons for remaining child-free is that raising a child is expensive. In Singapore, the tab starts running even before your baby arrives with prenatal consultation and check-ups, supplements, maternity wear, and delivery costs, ranging from SGD$5,000 to SGD$15,000, depending on where you deliver your baby.
Once your baby is here, the real costs begin. For education costs alone, from kindergarten to junior college, expect to set aside around $120,000, higher if you want to send your kids to pursue a degree.
On top of that, you obviously want to give your kid a good life. Factor in insurance, enrichment classes, instrument lessons, vacation costs, electronics, and miscellaneous costs for celebrations and presents, and you’re looking at upwards of $200,000 to raise a child until they’re 18 years old.
That’s a lot of money for one child, not including your personal and other household expenditures.
Global Issues
Thanks to the internet, we witness all the bad happening in the world daily. Rampant inequality, climate change, violence and wars, polarising religion and political beliefs—it just doesn’t seem like the future holds anything good for our children. Because of these issues, many are experiencing a deepening existential malaise, leaving us feeling helpless and anxious about the future of any kids we might have.
There’s also the fact that the internet has made it very easy for predators to reach our children. I recently came across an alarming post—a Malaysian mum was shocked to find herself added to WhatsApp groups sharing sexual content. She found out later that her 7-year-old daughter had clicked on an automatic invite link in a game she plays, Avatar World.
It was a sickening find as there were many other young boys and girls in the group chat, and the admin was constantly bombarding the chat with NSFW pictures, trying to groom them. If I was that mum, I would’ve signed myself up for counselling right away.
Beyond providing the bare necessities, parents these days have to put up with these kinds of dangers. I don’t think I could sleep soundly if I had a child in today’s world.
Lifestyle Choices
Besides expenses, raising a child takes a lot of work. Think about the lifestyle you’re living now and kiss it goodbye. Multiple studies have shown that having children drastically reduces the quality of life. Most new parents experience a long-term decrease in overall happiness that doesn’t usually recover until the children leave the house.
But really, it’s not all bad. Other studies have found that some demographics actually receive a happiness boost from becoming parents. And, tying back to the previous point about economic cost, one paper has found that the happiness levels of parents strongly relate to whether their countries have good child-care policies.
Negative Experiences
Thanks to all the former children who are currently in therapy, we now know how significantly our parents’ behaviours and what/or how they talk to us can affect our upbringing. This includes things like shaping positive self-identity, the ability to cope with stress, disappointments, and frustrations, and overcoming fears, all of which may be even more challenging in today’s society.
With a lot of us dealing with our own trauma, many of us don’t feel confident that we’re able to raise children in a way that fosters their emotional and psychological well-being. It’s a common concern that the cycle of trauma might repeat itself if we are not fully aware and equipped to handle these responsibilities.
The decision to remain child-free is becoming increasingly common. For many, the daunting financial burden, the overwhelming state of the world, and the significant lifestyle changes required to raise a child contribute to this choice. Additionally, the impact of our own childhood experiences and the fear of perpetuating trauma play crucial roles in this decision.
While society may still cast a critical eye, it’s essential to recognise and respect the diverse reasons behind anyone’s choice to remain child-free, acknowledging that personal well-being and happiness should ultimately guide our life decisions.